Oh yeah, that's why I'm in seminary...

I went to a wedding this past weekend. It was wonderful. I live close to the bride and groom, so I was able to witness from a distance all the work up until the big day. Needless to say, finally being able to watch everything pay off in one single evening was awesome. But on top of the festivities and tears accompanying the wedding, I had an unexpected and much needed encounter with the Holy Spirit. This encounter, not unlike almost all others, occurred in the form of fellowship.

It's funny how I can so easily forget the themes of my life. I've told my faith story (or whatever you'd like to call it) countless times, and in it, I always mention that fellowship is where I tend to meet God. I realize the term "fellowship" is rather loaded, but I suppose what I mean here is a group of people through which I can literally feel loved merely by being in their presence. These are the people I saw this weekend. What is ironic, though, is the fact that the entire drive up to Columbus (which is where the wedding was) I was regretting taking the trip.

I had...have a 15 page paper due on the "Wesleyan Quadrilateral" by Thursday, and I hadn't really even started reading my material. I had found what I wanted to read, but hadn't started the real work. This is a semester long paper mind you. So with all of this in the back of my head, I was pretty stressed, and I was convinced that I should have stayed home and worked in my apartment rather than the car. Luckily, I didn't listen to this part of me.

When Kelly and I arrived, I was thrilled to have come. It's not to say that I was relieved, in fact I remained stressed throughout a fair amount of the weekend, but enjoyed it nonetheless. Throughout our time in Columbus, I saw many of the most influential and loving people in my life. We laughed about old stories; we laughed about whatever stupid thing we were doing in the moment; we just laughed a lot. It put life back into me that I had not felt since graduation. Not to say that I don't feel alive, I mean come on, I'm married to the hottest woman in the world and am attending a wonderful university. But I had my old friends back; the friends that know me, in many ways, better than I know myself. I loved it.

Along with friends, I got to talk with my overall life mentor. He is a pastor in the United Methodist Church, and is always excited to discuss my experiences in seminary and the candidacy process for the church. In talking with him, not only did he give me words of encouragement about what it is to work in the church, but simply being in dialogue with the person that basically led me into the Church in the first place reminded me of the passion that drove me to seminary.

I must be honest, I've been a little tired of my schooling lately. Among other more commendable things, seminary is competitive, stressful, and seemingly lacking in spiritual formation. I don't have the support I had in Athens, and I miss that a lot. And yet, after just one conversation with my mentor, and one weekend with my best friends, I woke up today a new person. Or perhaps a renewed person, because I recognize who I am right now. I am he who loves God and loves the Church and is willing to give his life for both.

I had forgotten who I was, and I suspect I will again some day in the future. But this realization was vital for the work God has given me to do. I am in seminary, not just to jump through a hoop in order to carry on to the next part of my life, but to love God and love others. Believe it or not, I could sense a difference in the work I did on my paper today because of this weekend. I appreciated what I was learning, and read things I knew I probably didn't have to read but wanted to regardless of the pressing due date. And when this is done, I do get to work in the church...hopefully with the same people I saw this weekend :)

So this is why I'm in seminary. To continue loving whatever it is God commands me to do, and know that all is well. I love all of you that I saw this weekend (you know who you are). I will never know how much I desperately need you in order to be reminded why I am a Christian in the first place. You are all amazing.

Bells and Whistles

Kelly, Sam, and I have been church shopping since we've moved down to Durham, NC. It's been difficult. I blame it mostly on my ridiculous previous church where the members and staff have no idea the pain and suffering they are inflicting on those who must leave after graduation. I had no idea how incredibly spoiled I was with loving and real faces, worship that didn't actually mean, "Look at me, I can play guitar and dress nice", and teaching. TEACHING. I forgot that the pastor is actually supposed to provide real, challenging sermons that get you talking when you leave.

I'm sorry. I really am. I'm a little bitter, and I admit that. But after what the three of us went through this morning, I feel like I have some reason. I've even waited until now to write this. I was hoping that I would be able to sort of calm down and gather my reasonable thoughts after a little time, but the more I write this now, the more I am regressing to frustration.

To put it simply, I've never felt worse after going to church, than I did before I went. I don't mean to speak for Kelly and Sam, but I'm pretty sure we all felt the same. Walking out to the parking lot, we just felt stressed and on edge. We even ducked out the side exit to get out of the building faster. It was the worst Sunday morning experience I've ever had.

Now, I have nothing against the term, "mega church". I've heard plenty of bad things against the concept that I don't agree with, and I believe that when you're responsible, the amount of influence God is able to give you us an absolute blessing. But this was not that place. I will not give away the name, however, due to past experience of a good friend. I'd hate to get in trouble with the worship pastor :)

Basically, the biggest thing that upset me was that the pastor, during his sermon, began talking about the dangers of getting caught up in the "bells and whistles" of the contemporary church. Now, I don't know where that church stands in their faith. I would not be comfortable saying that most people attended this church because it looked like a resort. But what really set me off, was that apparently "bells and whistles" are now a requirement of the contemporary church.

Walking in, we passed a fountain that was incredibly beautiful, meaning it must have been incredibly expensive. I looked to Kelly and Sam and made a comment asking how one could justify such a purchase, and then I read the sign. "Please do not swim in the Baptism Pool" Of course! Let's buy an awesome beautiful fountain, stick it out front, and then to make ourselves feel better, we'll baptize people in it instead of using one of the umpteen million lakes surrounding us. Since when is this necessary to be part of the church?

It was not, we need to be careful about what we purchase. The message was, we can't just come for the bells and whistles of the church. When the crap did Jesus ever describe the church as having bells and whistles? There was a moment somewhere in between noticing both flat screen LCD TV hidden in the back playing what looked to be creepy screen savers, and the blinding fog filling my lungs where I actually began to feel sick. Not due to the fog, but due to the lack of compassion for what's outside of this box we call "the contemporary church". I don't even care if they do a mission trip to Africa, which they are planning. How about not spending money on some weird creepy design of random white squares all over the back wall, and send one more person to Africa?

Last year at my home church, we used our entire offering from one Sunday to save a child's life in Honduras. Why the heck are we wasting money on that random kid down in South America when we can buy one more flat screen TV??????

Please forgive me for this rant. I expect/hope that someone will put me in my place. I don't believe someone can speak down on something for so long with out getting it handed back to them, but I was just really angry this morning, and this is what has resulted.

I'm a North Carolinan?

I live in North Carolina now. Kelly and I are in the process of changing our licenses and plates and all that good stuff, but within a year I will hopefully become an actual resident of North Carolina. Though I'm totally a mama's boy, and it's incredibly difficult for me to adapt to drastic change, things have worked out pretty well here. Kelly and I found an awesome apartment literally a mile away from Duke's campus, and apparently about 10 feet from our twin couple. We've met two great people, Colin and Molly Knapp, and the similarities are almost creepy. Both Colin and I are entering the divinity school. We both have July weddings. Kelly and Molly both graduated with degrees in social work, and all four of us love Sam Oches and Katie Haver, both of whom ended up here as well.

Yes that is all quite random, and may sound stupid to anyone else reading it, but I think it's funny. On a more serious note, I can't imagine how much more difficult this change would have been for Kelly and I if God had not provided for us the miracle that is fellowship in such an incredibly convenient and beautiful way.

Community has always been a key part of our faith. I'm pretty sure neither Kelly nor I would have survived college without the wonderful friends the Lord provided us with then...not to say they're all used up of course. If any of you are reading this, I'm crazy about you. But to know that God is continuing to provide that blessing to us is the biggest comfort I could have asked for. Now all we need to do is find a church. Unfortunately for us, Kelly and I had way too good of a church in Athens, so the bar is set pretty high. Hopefully that won't be a problem.

I'm a husband?

My wife is gone this weekend. I don't like it. I like that I don't like it. I've been married for four weeks as of this very moment to be exact. Though I'm sure it doesn't seem like much time to many many other married couples, I've been surprised at how much has changed since then. At first, I didn't think that I could adjust to sharing a bed with someone. This past night, I didn't feel as comfortable going to sleep, because I didn't have the most beautiful woman lying next to me. Maybe it's because we've started our new lives in this apartment together, so it doesn't really feel complete without her. Whatever it is, I'm glad it's there.

There has obviously been tension in figuring out how to basically merge two lives into one, but for the most part, I think I made a pretty awesome choice in getting married.

Though the amount of stuff I'm sure I'm supposed to learn from this whole experience has barely been scratched, and even that's an understatement, I really feel like a different person. For example, I'm pretty sure I'm cleaner than I was before. And I've actually obtained some amount of "handy" skills since we've moved in. And for some reason, since I've become a real life husband, I feel more relaxed. Maybe it's because the wedding's over, but I just feel a little more calm, which has really helped in this huge life change Kelly and I have just gone through. So really, this is all to say I like being a husband. Mainly because my wife rocks.

I'm a seminarian?

I had orientation at Duke this past week from Wednesday to Friday, and I now have a paper due on Tuesday on the difference between trusting God and believing in God and how that should play out in our lives as Christians.

As I'm sure most first year seminary students that have their undergraduate degree in finance would be, I'm feeling a mixture of extreme excitement and moderate nervousness...or the other way around depending on which hour you were to catch me.

In all honesty though, I really have no idea what to expect, and the first day or two of orientation I really was having trouble remembering why the heck I decided Duke Divinity School was what I wanted to do. But I'm beginning to remember the whole God part of this decision. Though every single faculty member and student I've talked to has described the difficulty to the M.Div program in great detail, we, as an incoming class, have also consistently been reminded that we are here because we are supposed to be here.

I think I can be confident in the amount of time the admissions staff spent in prayer and discernment when it came to accepting us into this program. And above that, I think I can be confident that God has allowed so many crazy things to work out in order for me to end up here.

So yes I am very nervous, but I like it here...though classes don't actually start until Monday :)

Pay Yourself First

In my finance classes, one of the biggest lessons we learn is the necessity of paying yourself first. That is, when you get your paycheck, invest some of it before you spend the rest. Because, it's much easier to take the money you've received, and say to yourself that you need to spend it on all of these other things first, and then what's left over can go towards savings. Though this rule is great, and one that I really hope to follow once I start receiving a paycheck, along with tithing of course :), I can't help but feel it applies to more than just money. More specifically, I think it applies to time.

We're given 24 hours each day, our daily "paycheck", and we are aloud to do with these hours whatever we want. And this is where I feel like I've been failing. Every day, I wake up, and begin the same routine. Class, homework, more class, more homework, maybe a couple games of Super Smash Brothers with my house mates, and then before I know it, I need to go to bed. Mean while, I'm supposed to be planning for a wedding, seminary, and figuring out where I'm going to live and pay for everything.

I feel like I'm wasting all my time on short-term goals only, and not actually getting anything accomplished. At the end of the day, if the only thing I've done was prepare myself for the next day, I haven't really gotten anywhere. I've only managed to push off my larger responsibilities on to the next day. It's so frustrating!

I need to figure out a way to pay myself first, and stop using all of my time on short-term things. I haven't even gone to the grocery store in 2 1/2 weeks. Time management is a difficult thing to get a hang of.

My Follower

I would like to take this time and dedicate it to my faithful and loving follower, Mr. Stephen Szuter. I am so happy to see that I officially have someone that cares about me enough to actually publicly announce that he is following my blog. That truly is touching Stephen. For those of you who don't know him, he is a wonderful person. I must admit; however, that I find it funny that I am telling the people that read my blog about Stephen, while the only person reading the blog happens to be Stephen himself. Well Stephen, in case you don't know, you're great. Thanks for being awesome. I love you bud.