Bells and Whistles

Kelly, Sam, and I have been church shopping since we've moved down to Durham, NC. It's been difficult. I blame it mostly on my ridiculous previous church where the members and staff have no idea the pain and suffering they are inflicting on those who must leave after graduation. I had no idea how incredibly spoiled I was with loving and real faces, worship that didn't actually mean, "Look at me, I can play guitar and dress nice", and teaching. TEACHING. I forgot that the pastor is actually supposed to provide real, challenging sermons that get you talking when you leave.

I'm sorry. I really am. I'm a little bitter, and I admit that. But after what the three of us went through this morning, I feel like I have some reason. I've even waited until now to write this. I was hoping that I would be able to sort of calm down and gather my reasonable thoughts after a little time, but the more I write this now, the more I am regressing to frustration.

To put it simply, I've never felt worse after going to church, than I did before I went. I don't mean to speak for Kelly and Sam, but I'm pretty sure we all felt the same. Walking out to the parking lot, we just felt stressed and on edge. We even ducked out the side exit to get out of the building faster. It was the worst Sunday morning experience I've ever had.

Now, I have nothing against the term, "mega church". I've heard plenty of bad things against the concept that I don't agree with, and I believe that when you're responsible, the amount of influence God is able to give you us an absolute blessing. But this was not that place. I will not give away the name, however, due to past experience of a good friend. I'd hate to get in trouble with the worship pastor :)

Basically, the biggest thing that upset me was that the pastor, during his sermon, began talking about the dangers of getting caught up in the "bells and whistles" of the contemporary church. Now, I don't know where that church stands in their faith. I would not be comfortable saying that most people attended this church because it looked like a resort. But what really set me off, was that apparently "bells and whistles" are now a requirement of the contemporary church.

Walking in, we passed a fountain that was incredibly beautiful, meaning it must have been incredibly expensive. I looked to Kelly and Sam and made a comment asking how one could justify such a purchase, and then I read the sign. "Please do not swim in the Baptism Pool" Of course! Let's buy an awesome beautiful fountain, stick it out front, and then to make ourselves feel better, we'll baptize people in it instead of using one of the umpteen million lakes surrounding us. Since when is this necessary to be part of the church?

It was not, we need to be careful about what we purchase. The message was, we can't just come for the bells and whistles of the church. When the crap did Jesus ever describe the church as having bells and whistles? There was a moment somewhere in between noticing both flat screen LCD TV hidden in the back playing what looked to be creepy screen savers, and the blinding fog filling my lungs where I actually began to feel sick. Not due to the fog, but due to the lack of compassion for what's outside of this box we call "the contemporary church". I don't even care if they do a mission trip to Africa, which they are planning. How about not spending money on some weird creepy design of random white squares all over the back wall, and send one more person to Africa?

Last year at my home church, we used our entire offering from one Sunday to save a child's life in Honduras. Why the heck are we wasting money on that random kid down in South America when we can buy one more flat screen TV??????

Please forgive me for this rant. I expect/hope that someone will put me in my place. I don't believe someone can speak down on something for so long with out getting it handed back to them, but I was just really angry this morning, and this is what has resulted.

I'm a North Carolinan?

I live in North Carolina now. Kelly and I are in the process of changing our licenses and plates and all that good stuff, but within a year I will hopefully become an actual resident of North Carolina. Though I'm totally a mama's boy, and it's incredibly difficult for me to adapt to drastic change, things have worked out pretty well here. Kelly and I found an awesome apartment literally a mile away from Duke's campus, and apparently about 10 feet from our twin couple. We've met two great people, Colin and Molly Knapp, and the similarities are almost creepy. Both Colin and I are entering the divinity school. We both have July weddings. Kelly and Molly both graduated with degrees in social work, and all four of us love Sam Oches and Katie Haver, both of whom ended up here as well.

Yes that is all quite random, and may sound stupid to anyone else reading it, but I think it's funny. On a more serious note, I can't imagine how much more difficult this change would have been for Kelly and I if God had not provided for us the miracle that is fellowship in such an incredibly convenient and beautiful way.

Community has always been a key part of our faith. I'm pretty sure neither Kelly nor I would have survived college without the wonderful friends the Lord provided us with then...not to say they're all used up of course. If any of you are reading this, I'm crazy about you. But to know that God is continuing to provide that blessing to us is the biggest comfort I could have asked for. Now all we need to do is find a church. Unfortunately for us, Kelly and I had way too good of a church in Athens, so the bar is set pretty high. Hopefully that won't be a problem.

I'm a husband?

My wife is gone this weekend. I don't like it. I like that I don't like it. I've been married for four weeks as of this very moment to be exact. Though I'm sure it doesn't seem like much time to many many other married couples, I've been surprised at how much has changed since then. At first, I didn't think that I could adjust to sharing a bed with someone. This past night, I didn't feel as comfortable going to sleep, because I didn't have the most beautiful woman lying next to me. Maybe it's because we've started our new lives in this apartment together, so it doesn't really feel complete without her. Whatever it is, I'm glad it's there.

There has obviously been tension in figuring out how to basically merge two lives into one, but for the most part, I think I made a pretty awesome choice in getting married.

Though the amount of stuff I'm sure I'm supposed to learn from this whole experience has barely been scratched, and even that's an understatement, I really feel like a different person. For example, I'm pretty sure I'm cleaner than I was before. And I've actually obtained some amount of "handy" skills since we've moved in. And for some reason, since I've become a real life husband, I feel more relaxed. Maybe it's because the wedding's over, but I just feel a little more calm, which has really helped in this huge life change Kelly and I have just gone through. So really, this is all to say I like being a husband. Mainly because my wife rocks.

I'm a seminarian?

I had orientation at Duke this past week from Wednesday to Friday, and I now have a paper due on Tuesday on the difference between trusting God and believing in God and how that should play out in our lives as Christians.

As I'm sure most first year seminary students that have their undergraduate degree in finance would be, I'm feeling a mixture of extreme excitement and moderate nervousness...or the other way around depending on which hour you were to catch me.

In all honesty though, I really have no idea what to expect, and the first day or two of orientation I really was having trouble remembering why the heck I decided Duke Divinity School was what I wanted to do. But I'm beginning to remember the whole God part of this decision. Though every single faculty member and student I've talked to has described the difficulty to the M.Div program in great detail, we, as an incoming class, have also consistently been reminded that we are here because we are supposed to be here.

I think I can be confident in the amount of time the admissions staff spent in prayer and discernment when it came to accepting us into this program. And above that, I think I can be confident that God has allowed so many crazy things to work out in order for me to end up here.

So yes I am very nervous, but I like it here...though classes don't actually start until Monday :)

Pay Yourself First

In my finance classes, one of the biggest lessons we learn is the necessity of paying yourself first. That is, when you get your paycheck, invest some of it before you spend the rest. Because, it's much easier to take the money you've received, and say to yourself that you need to spend it on all of these other things first, and then what's left over can go towards savings. Though this rule is great, and one that I really hope to follow once I start receiving a paycheck, along with tithing of course :), I can't help but feel it applies to more than just money. More specifically, I think it applies to time.

We're given 24 hours each day, our daily "paycheck", and we are aloud to do with these hours whatever we want. And this is where I feel like I've been failing. Every day, I wake up, and begin the same routine. Class, homework, more class, more homework, maybe a couple games of Super Smash Brothers with my house mates, and then before I know it, I need to go to bed. Mean while, I'm supposed to be planning for a wedding, seminary, and figuring out where I'm going to live and pay for everything.

I feel like I'm wasting all my time on short-term goals only, and not actually getting anything accomplished. At the end of the day, if the only thing I've done was prepare myself for the next day, I haven't really gotten anywhere. I've only managed to push off my larger responsibilities on to the next day. It's so frustrating!

I need to figure out a way to pay myself first, and stop using all of my time on short-term things. I haven't even gone to the grocery store in 2 1/2 weeks. Time management is a difficult thing to get a hang of.